I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize