Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do vagina's smell?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
