we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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