true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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