i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
