great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
