Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
nutella sex= disaster
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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