Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm too high and old for this...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
