My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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