Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
