I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
