i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize