I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
