Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
