I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
