How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
