You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize