Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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