Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
