Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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