Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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