News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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