im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
