yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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