you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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