1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Randomize
