Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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