remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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