I'm drive I can fine osifer
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
