I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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