my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
