i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We left the knife in your bed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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