May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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