You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
