and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
