Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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