Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
