Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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