thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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