my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
