I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
