My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
