He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
