I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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