I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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