At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
