Yo dont text me then not text me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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