You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
