apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
