I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
