I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
