I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh god it's open bar.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
