I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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