as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
