Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
