What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
its liver damage thursday
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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