my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize