New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
