Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
