a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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