So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
