you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We just shotgunned beers for America
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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